All of us have been there. We are kind of shuffling along in life, having some successes and some failures like most folks, when WHAM! Out of nowhere comes some totally unexpected calamity. A car accident, a work-related injury, death of a loved one, a natural disaster. You name it, life can kick you in the teeth when you least expect it.
At Restore Fx we see this all the time. Great folks, salt-of-the-earth folks, who unexpectedly are dealing with a devastating injury that has taken over their lives. In times like that it can be helpful to find books like this one by Anne Lamont.
Ms. Lamont is funny, poignant, tender, honest and pulls no punches. She's like the cool aunt we all wish we had, who could tell you about crazy stuff they did in the 60's and also comfort you when your heart is broken or you get diagnosed with cancer. In a word, she's inspirational. And her writing is just so beautiful, like a spoken song. Here is just one example where she is talking about her awakening, of how she eventually learned to know and love herself through the help of others:
"They knew that there was a power and a beauty deep inside me, but that I was afraid of this and I was in fragments. Men and women alike, old and new at teaching, were like aunties or grandparent in their firm patience with me, in their conviction of my worth. They had a divine curiosity about me-- "Hey, who's in there? Are you willing to talk straight and find who you actually are, if I keep you company? Do you want to make friends with your heart? Here-- start with this poem.
This is who I want to be in the world. This is who I think we are supposed to be, people who help call forth human beings from deep inside hopelessness."
Indeed. I agree. I believe in the inter-connectedness of all beings and in the interdependence of people as an essential part of the human condition. We are now learning that loneliness is a greater risk factor than smoking for disease and death. I believe it is not only a capability but a responsibility of all of us to reach out to each other. To be that curious person who will keep company and share poems and generally help our fellow humans. To quote John Lennon, "imagine" how the world could be if we all took on that job.
And I can't bear not to share just one more excerpt from this book:
"When we agree to (or get tricked into) being part of something bigger than our own weird, fixated minds, we are saved. When we search for something larger than our own selves to hook into, we can come through whatever life throws at us."
Again the research on social isolation and altruism comes to mind. How we can help ourselves by literally helping others. I think it's not a coincidence that many 12-step programs tell folks to do "service work", literally to go serve others, as a way to save themselves from their destructive habits and addictions. Sometimes spending too much time navel-gazing can drive a person crazy. Sometimes you just need to get out of yourself and realize that other people are struggling and you can probably do something to help them.
So Stitches is about pain, it's about how life can knock the wind out of you and then kick you while you are down. And that while you are down there you just may realize that there is some beautiful little insect crawling around on a blade of grass that you would have never seen had you not been face down in the lawn gasping for breath. It's about how just when you need it someone can come along and offer you a hand, and you may find yourself helping them in kind. About how somehow we keep finding ways to mend and darn and pull the threads together to keep this sometimes fragile thing we call life from fully unraveling.
It's a mercifully short book given how busy we all are these days. The writing is beautiful. It may make you feel better about being human and messy and confused a lot of the time. I loved it and I am looking forward to delving in to another one of her works soon.
Wishing you health and happiness, and feel free to recommend books for me to read and review!
Program Director, Restore Fx
Krista Jordan, Ph.D., ABPP